I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
