drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
