Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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