I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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