I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
