I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize