She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
