I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cannot find my penis.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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