epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The air was thick with penises
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
