It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
