I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize