Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
