You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
