sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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