I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
