I will die if light touches me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize