too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
