You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize