i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
