so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
