I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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