8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
