dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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