We're facebook friends in real life
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize