I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
