She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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