Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
