Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
