3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
