i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
