a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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