would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
