Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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