It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
