"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
