Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize