i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
