No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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