2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
