she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
