Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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