Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
