I feel like I'm in dance class right now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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