that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
