I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
zippers are such a cool invention
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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