I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
did i walk over a car last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
