I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
