I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
