So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
