I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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