worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
