i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
