I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
