Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize