he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
