I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
