Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
