sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
