Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
