She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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