I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
