tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
