The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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