That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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