We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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