I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
