soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
