I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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