if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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