You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
