No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
