it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
