boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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