I think scott just propositioned me for sex
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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