Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
